When my girls and I sat on that airplane back in February, I felt strong, determined, even proud (in a way) to have chosen to follow my intuition and desires despite of what others thought about it...
And yet, there was a part of me that felt broken. Not enough. Not fulfilled. Empty. Needing external validation.
The 4 months we spent in Europe, 4,000 miles away from home, were one of the most empowering and humbling experiences.
The distance allowed me to step back, see things differently, see different angles, see the bigger picture.
It also gave me the time to just be with myself, to remember my roots, my core values, reactivate my DNA in a way.
And that part of the process was when I felt the most vulnerable, insecure, doubtful, fearful, and it brought up a rollercoaster of emotions.
All awhile, my husband was at home, dealing with it all on his own, too. Away from the kids, coming home after work to an empty house, and fending off comments like "I would never let my wife do that..."
True, it was not easy. There was tension. There was anger. There was sadness. There was resentment. Where was victimhood. There were words left unspoken.
But beneath it all, we were still a unit, two people who have vowed to stay together thought thick and thin, and we were doing exactly that - we fought together, we were figuring it out together, we were healing together... even if from two different continents.
In a way, we have bent time and space to honor our truths, values, beliefs, convictions, and love.
It has now been 2 weeks since we returned, and it took a while to adjust - because we have changed. Our vibration and energy rose. We expanded. We grew. We remembered.
Today, I sit here feeling empowered, honored, richer, calm, confident, and clear. At peace, knowing we stayed in integrity, congruent.
Conversations my husband and I have been having since are deeper, some more uncomfortable than others, but nonetheless - all charged with our truth, trust, commitment to each other - and filled with love and respect.
We don't know what the future will bring, where we will be, what we'll do, how we'll do it...
But we are clear on what works for us and what doesn't. What is enough and what no longer fits.
New parameters, new boundaries, new foundation has been laid for us as a family, as a couple, as parents, and for each one of us as individuals.
And that in itself has been the most valuable, life-changing, freeing gift we have given to ourselves - and that has been made possible with the incredible support from our support systems (family, friends, mentors, coaches, healers).